heart aches very badly

God, help me go through this process with the least pain as possible.


i prayed for that the last time.
but now i don't think that's possible.
the part about the least pain as possible.
i don't think there's such a thing.
right now i'm living in a state of denial.
heart is aching so very badly.
if i just stop for moment just to reflect, i don't think i can take the pain.
i hate that.
i hate that very much.
this is not about being in control anymore.
i can't even think straight anymore.
it helps a little that i'm talking to someone.
but that's only a small portion of the problem.
and right now, i know i sound insensitive to the bigger problems that the world is facing.
but, i just can't take it.
i fear i may just burst soon.


so before that happens,
i'd better do something about it.
deal with it step-by-step.



i'll see you guys tmr.